You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
