i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
