I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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