I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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