Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
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