Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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