I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize