Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
