people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
