never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
At least life still wants to fuck me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
