I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
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My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have tasted many bathrooms
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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