I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
