ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
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I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
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If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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