I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
