if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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