well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
