Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Im part way to drunk.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
