3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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