walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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