I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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