I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
