it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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