I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
