I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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