she looked like the before picture.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
