Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
