didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
