i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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