she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
