How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
