your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you inspire me to be a worse person
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
