If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
