I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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