Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
only you would photoshop your dick
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
