cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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