Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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