if you like me you must not know who I am
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
