Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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