i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
