There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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