just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
