Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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