Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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