Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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