why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
