remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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