his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
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Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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