He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
