yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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