i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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