I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
