Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
