have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
