EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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