Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
