ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
