I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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