Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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