Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
