Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
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I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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