DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
