i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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