I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
