Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
