Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
