So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
