I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
